dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
