Jerry, you need to find god
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
