I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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