Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
