I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
