I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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