My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
