Your mouth is God's brothel.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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