Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
