i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
