What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
