my being single is dangerous.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
