Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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