Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
