I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
