That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
