I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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