Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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