Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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