I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
