Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
