In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
