What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Randomize
