Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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