Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
