Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
