oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
