can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
