Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
