he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
