I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
