My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
