Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish I only lived at night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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