Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
