why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
