She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No subtext here. People are naked.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
