God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
