You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
