I love black thongs
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
