I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This show inspires me to have sex in space
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
