Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
