I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
