tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
