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GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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