So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
