There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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