3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
