Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
