I feel great
I just peed on a car
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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