so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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