i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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