I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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