Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
