There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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